There all kinds of things that annoy people. I have some such things too. Actually, I sometimes do things that annoy people deliberately. And I think I’m taking a big risk in listing the things that annoy me, because that’s just like giving my enemies (read, friends) ammunition to use against me. But I will still do this. After all, karma comes all the way round back right? I need to know how it is to be on the other side. Though I should probably warn my friends and enemies, and random readers, that I will still continue to annoy you even if you successfully manage to annoy me!
So, this is a random list of things that tick me off, or as I would preferably say- piss me off.
1) People who say ‘Hai rabba, kitni vaddi ho gayi hai tu’ (Oh my God, you’ve become so big).
This is strictly cultural. Indian cultural. Actually, North Indian cultural. All Indians will know what it is like when old ladies from your family meet you at a family function and go all swoony over you. And the first statement that comes out in the form of garbled words is ‘Oh my God, you’ve become so big!’ Well, duh! Like I had an option. Do you ever consider that maybe I believe in Peter Pan and don’t want to grow up. Or that I love growing up and you just ruined it. I mean, why state something so obvious?
2) Guys who think I can’t get a X-rated joke
I mean, seriously? I get it when elders tell a girl that a boy’s brain is hard-wired for sex. I get it when they say a girl usually looks for commitment and family rather than sex. But that does not mean girls are absolutely oblivious to sex. We are your partners in sex remember? We do get it. So if you’re going to crack some joke and when a girl asks what it is, don’t assume they won’t understand. If you’re going to crack a joke assuming girls won’t understand those jokes, and when she does get it- don’t be all ‘Whoa! I’m flabbergasted’. And when a girl cracks some X-rated joke, don’t pass out cold. We get it. We do.
3) People who reveal the plot of a story
Oh! This is the worst of all. I recently experienced this, both ways. I revealed to a friend of mine that Tris and Tobias don’t have sex till the last book of Divergent series, and that Tris dies in the last book. She screamed at me, of course. Then another friend of mine came over and told me that Jem doesn’t actually die in the Clockwork Princess, and that Will and Tessa do have sex later. So, karma. What I revealed about a book I had already read, came back to me about a book I was reading. See how it’s related? I revealed facts about death and sex, and someone revealed the same things to me about another book. And I just did it again in this paragraph for both the books, royally ruining them for anyone who reads this. Sorry readers, it’s just too much fun!
4) People who tell me what or how much I should or shouldn’t eat
Yeah, food. See, I don’t live to eat. I eat to live. Sure, I’ll try out all kinds of stuff, all kinds of restaurants and cuisines. But food is for survival for me. I’m just that kind of a person. So I know what to eat, how much to eat. If I want to, I will. Can you please just concentrate on the food in your plate instead of telling me what to do? And concentrate on it because if you don’t, it’s going to vanish off your plate and reappear stuffed in our throat. Just to shut you up.
5) People who look at my nails and say ‘I have nails’
Yes. Yes I bite my nails. I know it’s a bad habit. I know it looks ugly. I know it’s not good. But I’m still going to do it. Because telling me not do it does not make me not want to do it. When I decide to stop, I will. It’s my decision, not yours!
6) People who ask me to grow my hair
OK, I kinda get it about the nails (kinda). But this is MY hair! Is cutting short a bad habit too? Or is it like a sin? I mean, short hair looks good. Look at Emma Watson or Anne Hathaway (though I’m not any of them as much as I would like to be). And besides, short hair is very maintainable! And hey, if I don’t mind, what’s your problem? I get it, I don’t need to look at me, you do. And you don’t like it. But guess what? It’s my hair, my face, my looks. Don’t like it? Don’t cut your hair short!
7) Adults who don’t dress presentably or appropriately
Children who run around in a formal party dressed in shorts and a top? I get it. They are children. They’ll soil clothes while playing, or they’ll simply grow out of it. I get that. Teenagers who walk into a wedding in jeans and a t-shirt that says ‘I do it to annoy you’? They do it to annoy you. They are teenagers, rebellious and with a bad-ass attitude. Their reason for existing, is doing things that are against social norms. I get that. But teachers whose sarees keep falling off as they walk, or uncles with buttons broken or zips open? What are you doing? Are you growing out of your clothes or do you particularly not like to be socially presentable? I mean, you’re supposed to be adults right? Mature and all that…
8) People who look down on people from villages
In India, villagers are pretty simple looking. Yes, they have motorcycles and bullock-carts, not your Mercs and Harleys. So? If money is the parameter you are looking for, I know people who were from villages and then made more money than 10yrs of your salary. If you say they are below you just know that while you are staying where you are, they are rising higher than you are. And if you’re going to be limited in these parameters, you’re just a Neanderthal with no wits about him. But I didn’t exist then, so they might have been better than you too.
9) People who judge people on their looks
I mean, you think you’re better looking? OK… then you’re a narcissist right? So that gives you a rotten heart, while theirs is just fine. And umm, who do you think is the best looking, eh? Just curious… Coz you know, you don’t look as good. Oh and you know what? If you like Katrina, there are others who don’t. If you like Megan Fox, there are other who think Scarlett Johansson is better. Also, I think Audrey Hepburn is beautiful not Marilyn Monroe, what will you do about it? Looks fade, hearts remain.
10) People who throw trash outside
I’m a huge nature-lover. So every time you throw trash out of the window and onto the pavement or into the flower pot or on the grass, I’m going to made you pick it up. And give you this huge condescending look along with a speech full of choice words about what a huge insensitive person you are. And my biggest question- What the hell gives you the right to go around taking nature for granted?
Well, all are things that people do. So, I could just sum it all up in a single word- People. Or rename this post as ’10 Things People Do That Tick Me Off’. But that’s too long and too much effort. I have neither the energy nor the patience. And if you, dear reader, dislike lazy people, then this was solely intended to annoy you.