Posted in Parallel U-knee-verse

If Humans Didn’t Have Knees: Part 1

Knees. An aspect of genetic mutation that completely skipped the human species, here, on Pseudonesia. We, the people of Pseudonesia, have finally started compiling a research paper on the knee-less evolution, including how humans feel about it. In this study, we will try to record all different aspects of our knee-less life. In the hope that if we do evolve into kneed species, our knee-less existence will not be forgotten. And just in case, there are other parallel universes where humans have knees or are missing hips, they can gain insight from our story.

Upon asking Mr. Ashton Muller, a man of religion, about his feelings, he stated-

‘Look, birds can be classified into two types- those with knees and those without. Smaller birds, like sparrows, typically do not have a pair of knees. This is the reason you will see them hopping around. Bigger birds, like flamingos perhaps, do have a set of knees. Hence, they have the privilege of being subject to many words to describe their actions. They can walk, waddle, step or pace. Ostriches and emus can run. And all because of wondrous bone caps called knees. Now, we, humans have been watching these birds ever since we can remember. Sure, we have cool stuff like higher intelligence, variety of food, cameras and college. But birds have wings AND knees. Animals have knees and they can run and sprint and everything, but they don’t have wings as well! Birds are the only ones with both, and no one knows why God blessed them with that advantage.

Humans are a tad bit jealous of birds. Slightly jealous of birds. Quite jealous, actually. No, if we’re saying it, we might as well say it all. We are very jealous of them! The ancient Egyptians worshipped gods who were part animals and birds. Sometimes, I feel it’s because all those animals and birds have knees. Somehow, it makes them higher beings than us, despite everything we have.’

Accompanying him is Mr. Chatterjee, a mechanical engineer. His statement is-

‘Now, I’m proud of all we have. We have compensated for the lack of knees in many ways. One of the first vehicles we built to compensate for it was a pogo stick. It imitated our hopping in an amplified and quicker way, making getaways more possible as compared to hopping around like a bunch of sparrows. For example, if you were at the bar and you hit on a girl, the girl usually responded with throwing her drink in your face. If you hopped, you’d only have time to turn and take one hop. But on a pogo stick, you’d at least be out of the drink’s reach. But the pogo stick had a minor setback. You had to be standing all the time. This later developed into a big ball with loops, through which you could slide your body. So you could lie on your tummy on the ball and leap places. This initially took a lot of time and practice to master but it became a very common mode of transport. This had minor setback as well. It became increasingly difficult for our older generations to sleep and leap so much.

Thanks to our much developed technological advances, we have come up with jet boots. I personally was the Chief Engineer for the project. Now all they have to do is tap their feet together thrice and the jet packs on their boots get activated. This was quite hazardous in the beginning, but soon everyone took to it quite well. The adults use jet boots to get places, while the children still use the pogo sticks and the leaping balls for their neighborhood transport.’

Thanking Mr. Muller and Mr. Chatterjee, we will talk to Traffic Police Commissioner Byron Levine.



YouTuber, Blogger, Rotaractor, Mountaineer, Writer, Crazy, Whovian

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